Living Our Dreams

Non-Violent Communication- A Language of Compassion

2011-05-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

A Language of Compassion (Comunicación no violenta- Un lenguaje de vida, Gran Aldea Editores) by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. NVC is both a technique and a philosophy.

“NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions. It contains nothing new; all that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries. The intent is to remind us about what we already know—about how we humans were meant to relate to one another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. NVC trains us to observe carefully, and to be able to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us. We learn to identify and clearly articulate what we are concretely wanting in a given situation. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.”
Marshall Rosenberg has spent his life trying to answer these two questions:

What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively?

And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?

I (Laura) found Chapter 6 particularly interesting, where he skillfully delves into the difference between “asking” and “demanding”. He says that when we ask we know and accept beforehand that the other has the right to say “no”. When we demand, we tell the other person that something, possibly originated by us, will happen if they don’t do what we want.

He considers that if we aim at a smooth communication process, when we are going to ask for something a very good idea is to go inside first and check if in our internal dialogue we have,for example, something of the following:

He should .....(leave everything cleaner).

I deserve... (a pay rise).

I have the right... (to more time to rest).

When our needs are formulated in this way, if the others don’t do what we expect them to do in the way we expect them to do it, we tend to start to judge them negatively. This is a very clear indication that we have not formulated a request, but a strong demand. The way we express and share our needs will have a strong influence on the sort of response we will get from the other person. Consequently, he advises us to pay attention to the way we word our requests, the tone of voice we use, and the respect towards the decision of the other person to say “yes” or “no”.

Another interesting point he makes in Chapter 10 is about the source of anger. He considers that when we get angry it is never because of the situation or the person we claim has made us so angry. The situation or someone else’s behaviour can stimulate the anger, but not cause it. The only two things, according to the author, that cause anger or even rage are our own beliefs about how other people should behave and our internal judgements of those behaviours.

The great danger of unresolved anger is that the angry or enraged person tends to blame the person he is angry with, and in many cases, punish them in different ways: psychological or even physical aggression. A totally unfair situation that leads to so much war, violence and unhappiness in the world.

He adds that a form of communication which alienates us is, precisely, when we judge other people “morally”. We presuppose a wrong attitude from the other person when his behaviour does not agree, at least apparently, with our own personal values. The great problem arises when we start to judge people and situations from a very limited point of view. Sometimes with lack of information or even wrong information.

Another superb chapter is number 3, in which he describes the importance of observing what is happening without evaluating from our own set of beliefs and values. When we confuse both concepts, our comments may lead other people to feel we are critisising them, therefore, they will tend to resist us or what we are telling them. It is not the same to say: “Hank has not scored any goals”, which would be a comment derived from observation, than to say, “He plays badly” or “He is a bad football player”, which would represent an act of judgement.

The philosophy and ideas in this book can be used to improve communication in:

intimate relationships

families

schools

organizations and institutions

therapy and counseling

diplomatic and business negotiations

disputes and conflicts of any nature.

I strongly recommend it to all those RTNews readers and RT students who want to “clean the communication space” in their work environments, at home or any other groups of people they operate in. The insights they will get as they read it will surely make their lives and the lives of those around them a much more pleasant experience. A book not only to be read....but shared and put into practice.

For further information about NVC, visit

http://www.cnvargentina.com.ar/

LauraSzmuch

How do we communicate?

2011-05-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

One of the basic and first things NLP students learn is how to improve communication skills. For us, teachers, this is a topic of great importance as our jobs depend mainly on the level of rapport we can establish with our students (and their parents!).
In Module 1 of the Practitioner Certificate participants learn, among other things,

• Ways to improve non-verbal communication

• Ways to open their senses to be more perceptive to what other people are communicating non-verbally and non-consciously

• Ways to become aware of what we are saying with our whole being, not only with words

• The expressive aspect, the relational aspect ,the appealing aspect of messages

• The role of intonation, voice and silence

• Posture, movement and proxemics (optimal distance and personal space)
We also explore the basic presuppositions of NLP and the origin and history of NLP. We “visit “ our brains to see how they work and the importance of brain friendly techniques in the classroom. We also do very practical activities to learn how to establish rapport with both smail and big groups.

Why do we insist so much on Body Language?

Because....

We always use body language!

Looking at someone for example means something completely different than not looking at someone. Even our very presence conveys a message. In our contact with other people it is impossible not to communicate. Several investigators estimate that a great part of the communication between people takes place through body language and tone of voice. The best known theory is that of the American psychologist Mehrabian.
Another point to take into account when we communicate with others is how we listen to them. Do we just hear what they say or are we there with them, present in body, mind and soul to listen attentively what they are telling us?

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen."
Ernest Hemingway

Most communication problems start because at least one of the people involved in the communication exchange is not actively listening to the other. By listening, we dont only mean listening to the words...we are also referring to all the non-verbal aspects of communication.
What happens to many people is that instead of focussing on the other person’s message they are planning in their head what they are going to say next...and they drift away in thought. Sadly, this leaves the communication exchange with two people speaking about something, but not really relating with each other.
Listening with all your being is a valuable communication skill. Simply remember a time when you felt that a person wasn't really listening to you, to understand the importance of listening.
If you want to improve your professional and personal communication, a very clever idea is to learn ways to do it efficiently and in a positive manner. You will notice a great change in the way you relate with colleagues, students, parents and people in general.
Laura Szmuch

NLP Practitioner Course, starting in April

2010-03-11T04:56:00.000-08:00

Learn skills and techniques to help you to …

… Be more effective in the classroom!

…Understand your learners more completely

… Set and achieve goals

… Better manage the constant changes school life brings us

… Communicate with others with elegance and effectiveness

… Discover more talents

… Live the life you want to lead

All this and very much more can be experienced on the

Practitioner Certificate in NLP for Education

Our next Practitioner Certificate course starts on April 16, 2011 and consists of 16 modules to be held on Saturdays on a monthly basis in 2011 and 2012. This first level of training involves between 130 and 150 hours of direct training in the form of practical activities and guided practice. It gives students acquaintance with the methodology and many of the techniques comprising NLP and leads to an internationally recognised certificate as Practitioner of NLP in Education.

The Practitioner certificate with Resourceful Teaching offers you the chance to get an NLP certification and practise your English at the same time!

For a course syllabus and further details see our website: www.resourcefulteaching.com.ar or send a mail to jamie@resourcefulteaching.com.ar or lauraszmuchcapacitaciones@gmail.com

Venue: Versailles, Ciudad Autónoma de Buenos Aires

Time: One Saturday per month 9.00 – 17.00

Start Date: Saturday April 16

The course includes written material and a full bibliography and morning and afternoon refreshments. As much as we encourage reading, the real value of NLP is the putting it into practice and our students have constant opportunities to employ what they learn in their daily work and lives.

To enroll, please contact us for an enrolment form. Your place is guaranteed upon payment of the first module.

Laura Szmuch and Jamie Duncan

NB: This course will also be offered in Spanish this year startin on April 30th. If you are interested, contact Laura at lauraszmuchcapacitaciones@gmail.com for details of timetables.

Celebrate what's good in life...

2009-12-31T05:21:00.001-08:00

Celebrate what's right with the world - Dewitt Jones @ Yahoo! Video

Viviendo en gratitud....

2009-10-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.viviendoengratitud.ning.com/

Te invito a unirte al proyecto.... Es gratis, es lindo...hace bien!

Laura

Nuevo curso de Lucila Barbero

2009-08-09T18:15:00.001-07:00

Un spa para tu alma...el curso!

2009-05-04T11:36:00.001-07:00

Un Spa para tu Alma© 2009

Por primera vez en español….
¡En el mes de julio!

Curso intensivo de tres días…

Para reencontrarte con vos, para pensar y redefinir tus objetivos, para reflexionar, para liberar ideas y aprender a ponerlas en práctica, para relajarte, meditar, jugar, mimarte, aprender, compartir…

Si ya participaste de alguno de estos encuentros, esta es una instancia completamente nueva, donde vas a ir más profundamente que en las veces anteriores…

Si nunca has estado en alguno de los “spas”, este es una buena oportunidad para darte un lindo regalo…

Algunos de los temas a los que nos referiremos:

· Manejo de tiempo
· Manejo de estados internos
· Logro de objetivos
· Una vida más consciente
· Agradecimiento
· El poder del ahora
· Mente, alma y cuerpo
· Hábitos y rutinas
· Nuestras relaciones

Para más información envía un correo a:
spaparatualma@gmail.com

A quienes va dirigido:
A adultos que deseen optimizar sus potencialidades y encontrar el papel protagónico que cada uno desempeña en la creación de su propia vida
A padres que quieran mejorar la relación con sus hijos
A docentes de diferentes ámbitos
A profesionales que están dispuestos a progresar en sus carreras
A vendedores y empresarios

Objetivos generales:
Mejorar tu comunicación con otros y contigo mismo
Establecer objetivos a corto, mediano y largo plazo
Adaptarte al mundo cambiante exitosamente
Estimular tu creatividad y ponerla en práctica en situaciones de tu vida cotidiana

http://www.lauraszmuch.com.ar/

Lo que han dicho quienes han participado de este curso
(reproducido con autorización)

Esta experiencia ha marcado una diferencia en nuestras vidas. Hemos aprendido a ver con nuevos ojos, a ser más conscientes, a vivir con más presencia y más alma Cuando uno puede sentir el brillo interno proyectado hacia los demás (familia, alumnos, colegas, amigos), se disfruta la vida de otra manera.

Me ha llevado tiempo escribir estas líneas, ya que el “Spa” fue tan inspirador que no podía encontrar palabras para describirlo. Fue una experiencia de cuidado y de compartir, llena de pequeños momentos, que me ha demostrado cómo vivir más intensamente y de una forma más simple. Gracias.

El “Spa” ha sido una experiencia increíble para mí, no sólo por lo que aprendí acerca de mí misma, sino también por la gente maravillosa que conocí que va a estar en mi corazón para siempre y que ya son mis amigos. Si todos pudiéramos encontrar tiempo para nosotros mismos y nos desarrolláramos en forma diferente, disfrutaríamos de nuestras vidas mucho más…

UNA DE LAS COSAS QUE APRENDIMOS FUE COMPARTIR... COMPARTIMOS RISAS, TRISTEZAS, EXPERIENCIA, ANECDOTAS, CHISTES, RICA COMIDA, ETC.

El curso fue excelente. No veo el momento de poner todas estas ideas en práctica….y también…conocer gente como ustedes, tan amigables, abiertos, simples…Me sentí realmente muy bien en este grupo….

Haciendo el esfuerzo consciente de prestar atención, estar presente, vivir la vida…hace que uno se sienta diferente….Por supuesto sólo estoy comenzando, pero ya puedo ver la diferencia…imagínense cuando pueda hacerlo en forma natural…

Cuando llegué a casa mi familia me recibió feliz y con entusiasmo como si me hubiera ido por un mes. No fue como otras veces cuando me fui. Quizás haya sido mi expresión de paz y tranquilidad. Estoy muy feliz de compartir la experiencia con ellos. Me gustó el humor, la habilidad para que cada momento fuera “disfrutable”, y las ganas de todos los participantes. Y las comidas………ah…¡Esas comidas! Me lo paso hablando de todo lo rico que comimos… ¡¡Gracias!!

Todos deberían tener esta experiencia al menos una vez en la vida. Les ayudaría a mirar la vida con otra perspectiva.

Fue una experiencia increíble, que puedo aplicar a todos los aspectos de mi vida.

Nos dejó la necesidad de incorporar cambios en nuestra Educación, dándole un lugar prioritario al conocimiento de uno mismo y a la transformación y equilibrio personal para seguir aprendiendo y poder educar seres humanos más equilibrados, exitosos en su vida cotidiana, y felices.
Fue una experiencia profunda de búsqueda de uno mismo; aprendimos a "tomar conciencia" de lo que y quienes nos rodean, para poder así desarrollar positivas relaciones intra e interpersonales. Poner esto en práctica mejora la "calidad de vida" nuestra y de los demás (familia, alumnos, colegas, etc.)

Si querés mi opinión acerca del curso, acá está:
Categóricamente recomiendo UN SPA PARA TU ALMA. No sólo me sirvió para ser mejor docente, sino para mejorar mi calidad de vida. Tiene que ver con una actitud hacia la vida. Voy a estar eternamente agradecida, ya que aprendí, con reflexiones y técnicas muy sencillas y con pensamientos positivos, naturales cosas lindas de la vida, que todos tenemos, a reaccionar ante una pesadumbre y un letargo innecesario.

Para más información envía un correo a:
spaparatualma@gmail.com

A Spa for your Soul

2009-02-28T12:23:00.000-08:00

A Spa for your Soul

http://www.lauraszmuch.com.ar/

When do I have time to think about my soul?

Well, I guess it is not a question of thinking, it is a question of priorities in life. I am not speaking about becoming mystics. I am referring to an awareness in life, that makes it worthy to be lived. We human beings pay lip service to a lot of things that "should" be done, leaving them for later, when we have more time, when we finish the course, when our kids grow up, when I retire, when, when, when, when…..

What we need is an awareness that life is what is happening N OW, that we can't keep postponing the possibility of a more mindful, joyful and soulful experience.

We are not working machines. Our jobs are not merely a question of doing a few (or a lot of) tasks. Well, we can choose to do what we do automatically, or we can decide to be someone who can give a lot generously, because we know how to replenish ourselves easily through a permanent connection with who we really are, our passions, our ideals, our mission in life, our vision of a better world that can only be achieved with committed people who see beyond the material aspects of their jobs. I am not saying the concrete tangible things in life are not important: quite the contrary. What I am saying is that we need to see beyond them, and use them from the internal conviction that ours is a blessed profession, whatever we do. We have a great responsibility, which is a gift. We all have a treasure inside waiting to be discovered, polished and put to use. We all need the courage to be who we are meant to be.

I warmly invite you to care of yourself:

Pay attention to your body:
pamper it with nutritious and healthy food, a good massage, physical activity, sunlight, stretching, water. Look after your hair and your skin. Enjoy your body!!

Pay attention to your mind:
make sure you relax, avoid useless thoughts, think positively, make plans for the new year, organise your time intelligently.

Pay attention to your soul:
nurture it with uplifting reading material, meditate, go to beautiful natural settings, fill yourself with love and light, listen to beautiful music.......

Notice how, just by organising your timetable more efficiently, you can live a life with relaxed and fulfilling awareness everyday........all (or most of...)the time. Notice how by being peaceful inside yourself you can create harmonious relationships at home, with friends, with colleagues, with neighbours, with everybody!!!

Laura Szmuch

Love Quiz

2009-02-03T06:04:00.000-08:00

Love Quiz

by Dr Leo Buscaglia

Asking yourself questions and answering them honestly is a good path to self-knowledge.

In keeping with this idea, I'd like to propose a few end-of-the-day questions for each of us . . .

Is anyone a little happier because I came along today?

Did I leave any concrete evidence of my kindness, any sign of my love?

Did I try to think of someone I know in a more positive light?

Did I help someone to feel joy, to laugh, or at least, to smile?

Have I attempted to remove a little of the rust that is corroding my relationships?

Have I gone through the day without fretting over what I don't have and celebrating the things I do have?

Have I forgiven others for being less than perfect?

Have I forgiven myself?

Have I learned something new about life, living or love?

If you are not satisfied with your answers, take heart. Tomorrow you get to start all over again! If you will it, this is one quiz you can never fail.

nice video with Jim Rohn

2008-12-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

Nice video to see, in which Jim Rohn shows very clearly how what we say to ourselves affects what we do and what we create:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=fZru3_vygc0

Warmly,
Laura

Coaching in English in Buenos Aires- Laura Szmuch

2008-11-06T04:01:00.000-08:00

If you are staying in Buenos Aires for a while and want to make the most of your stay, why not profit from your time here and take coaching sessions to define objectives, work with limiting beliefs and get to know yourself more deeply?

If you are looking for something new in your life, or are going through a transition....
a coaching process might be a good option...

Laura Szmuch
NLP Trainer
Ontological Coach
Coach with NLP
lauraszmuch@gmail.com

एस्ताब्लिशिंग Rapport

2008-08-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Lucas

I see you and you see me.

I hear you and you hear me.

I feel you and you feel me.

We are so different!!!!!!!

And in each difference we find, I absorb the loving manifestation of creation, the expression of the great creative power that breathes through each particular cell of life. I celebrate these differences. They make each of us unique and special.

So when I approach you, I bless the wonderful discovery that I have a completely different being in front of me, and with great respecct, I start to decipher the code with which you relate to reality - which, of course, is different from mine, or from any other human being.

We share a reality. However, we don't share the interpretation of this reality, or the way we relate to it. Our "job" is to find a loving way to bridge the gap between you and me, to understand deeply, with our minds, our spirits, our emotions and our body, how others connect with the world..

I truly believe that this is the first thing I should do when I approach you, if I really want to grow with you. This is the best way I have (at least at the moment) to relate with all the valuable "others" in my life.

Lucas was five years old, and came to his English class in a rather bad mood. He had had a terrible row with his mother, so he was not well disposed to learning or sharing with me or the other kids. His mum left him at the door and said to me :"Do what you can with him today, I don't think he will want to do anything. Either I leave him here or I kill him. I can't cope with him today."
Wow!!!! A desperate mother, a kid that had been threatened with terrible punishment (and I didn't know why) and the parent's assumption/prediction that he wouldn't want to work. Lucas was sitting outside the classroom, head down and bent over, and with all his uncombed long hair covering his eyes. His hands and fingers were tense (as if he wanted to strangle someone, though this was only my interpretation).

I had the feeling that his mum was playing a ball game and that the ball was too hot so she had decided to throw it to me. Has this ever happened to you, dear teacher???

I had all the other kids waiting impatiently to play and have fun . I also had someone who was not ready to join in. I had to do something, fast!

I asked another teacher to stay with the other kids for two minutes. Two minutes??? Yes, two minutes, which was the length of time I thought I was going to need to "connect" with my little Lucas.

I looked at him with the corner of my eye, just to know what he was doing, and I sat down in exactly the same position as him. I tensed my hands, let my head fall down and my hair cover my eyes. I must have looked really angry!!!!!! I started to breathe in exactly the same way and rhythm as Lucas.
What did I do all that for??? Well, in the first place, I wanted to understand how he was feeling. Adopting someone's body position is an excellent way to start to grasp how someone is feeling at a particular moment. A second reason is that through my body, I was telling him: "I am with you". We communicate more with our bodies than with our words (the word only represents 7% of the total communication, and besides, communication is subconscious as well as conscious.

Lucas got my message, and we started to function on the same wavelength. Were we going to stay like that all the afternoon? Of course not; the moment I felt I was really and honestly with him, and he was truly with me, I started to move. He started to move, too. He started to follow me. I stood up, stretched and walked into the classroom. He stood up, stretched, and followed me.

All this took exactly two minutes. If I had asked him what was happening to him and waited for an answer he was surely not ready to give, if I had tried to convince him that he should go into the classrom to learn English in his mental state, I would still be speaking to him: and this happened four years ago!!!!!!!

The teacher who was looking after the rest of the class could not believe it, even though she had been a witness to all the process. "Laura," she said, "where is your magic wand?????" Lucas's mother came back fifteen minutes before the class finished because she thought that he wouldn't be doing anything and was probably causing trouble. She saw him at work, in the best of moods, and could not believe that the "hot ball" had turned into such a wonderful little boy, having fun and playing with his friends.

This was not magic, this was communication. Real, deep communication. At all levels. Using NLP terminology, I will explain what I did:
I established rapport with Lucas. I did this non-verbally, with flexibility of body and mind!!!!
How?
I paced him: I copied his body position and his breathing.
I communicated with him multisensorily.
When he was ready, I led him out of that position and state of unresourcefulness, which was doing him no good.
I reached my objective, which was to make him relax and work. I did this with no words at all, and in a very sweet and subtle way I made him feel understood. He was not alone, after all!!!!!

I do appreciate and thank the moment I learnt these powerful NLP techniques that have made me a more sensitive human being, someone who knows the difference between you and I, and capitalises on that to build bridges of love and understanding. After all, we are different beautiful manifestations of the same creative force.
That's why I enjoy it enormously when
I see you and you see me
I hear you and you hear me
I feel you and you feel me.
With love
Laura

Le me introduce myself...

2008-08-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

My name is Laura Szmuch and I am an English teacher graduated from INSP "Dr JVGonzález", and Master Practitioner and Trainer in NLP, certified Ontological Coach and Coach certified by Joseph O’Connor (Lambent do Brasil), and member of the International Coaching Community (ICC). I have co-developed an NLP training programme for teachers and other professionals. I am the co-founder and co-director of Resourceful Teaching, an Educational Consultancy. We teach, train and coach teachers in Argentina and abroad, and offer consultancy and life, career and institutional coaching services. I have written a great number of articles which have been published in several countries. I lead self-development workshops, courses and retreats, among them “A Spa for the Teacher’s Soul”.
I have written "Aprendiendo Inglés, y disfrutando el proceso", and co-authored "Really Thriving" of forthcoming publication. I have participated as a speaker in National and International Conferences, and have trained teachers in many provinces in Argentina, in Perú and in England.
I studied Neuropsychoeducation and I am doing my Masters’ degree in Cognitive Psychology and Learning (Flacso and Universidad Autónoma de Madrid)
How can I help you?In transformation, change and self-knowledge processes, goal-setting, inter and intra personal communication, strategies of excellence and personal and professional growth. How?Through NLP courses, workshops with NLP techniques, retreats, personal interviews. (both in English and in Spanish)

My mission
More than ten years ago I started working with people in the field of education and personal and professional development. I feel more than pleased and satisfied when I witness my students’ growth and the achievement of their goals. My great wish is to continue being there for them and for the people who consult me, and see how they live a happy and fulfilling life, exactly how they choose it to be.I use the powerful and empowering NLP techniques and philosophy and the distinctions of the Ontology of language, among others.